so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world