I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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