i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The ass gains better be worth it
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