I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
