you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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