found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
