Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
