i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
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Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize