i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize