I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your penis caused this!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
that may or may not have been my penis.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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