I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
