We're facebook friends in real life
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
