took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm both gender and math confused
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
