He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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