There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
