birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
