i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
