It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
