So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
