You can't motorboat a personality
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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