All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I wear drunk well.
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