now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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