This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize