Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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