I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
