never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
