If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
