Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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