see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
