I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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