i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
