I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
