Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
