i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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