I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
