I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
