The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
