Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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