His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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