my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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