its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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