just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can I color on your dick again?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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