evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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