The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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