if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
