Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
