got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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