so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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