Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
