You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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