did you get engaged???
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
