My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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