is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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