Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
