It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
