I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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