I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
