how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants