She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone