lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She announced her abortion via fbk
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
