Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
vagina is talking i cant
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.