the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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