yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating