you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
