shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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