I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
