did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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